


one of us is gonna lose

by wiltedfeathers



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Slow Burn, also slight age gap that i didn’t notice, an angsty slow burn with no happy ending, bi!Reader, javier’s a confused dingbat but he educates himself, two idiots in love who are too stupid to admit it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-02-19 02:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22503886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wiltedfeathers/pseuds/wiltedfeathers
Summary: “Oh, I’m into men.” You took another bite of your food. “They just haven’t been on my radar as of late.”Javier raised an eyebrow at you. “What do you mean by that?”“I like both.” You shrugged. “I like women and men.”Javier almost spit up his coffee.
Relationships: Javier Peña/Reader
Comments: 10
Kudos: 77





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i had a slow burn javier x reader series already planned but i kept getting ideas and asks about javier with a bi!reader that i went along with my idea but just made the reader bi
> 
> also the amount of javier content i’ve been putting out without watching a single episode of narcos...........Suspicious.........

It felt like a mission to push through the crowd of sticky, sweaty people to make your way to the bar. The hot atmosphere didn’t help as you were starting to sweat as bad as everyone else and you were almost salivating at the sight of the drinks the bartender prepared for you and your date, already anticipating the feel of the cool liquid down your throat. 

You couldn’t shake the feeling of eyes staring at you, which you assumed was your better half for the evening, frowning to yourself when you made eye contact with an older male.

He wasn’t terrible to look at; dark hair messed up and stuck to his forehead from sweat, thick mustache failing to hide the huge smirk on his face as he eyed you, warm eyes that usually made women go weak in the knees. He was tall, lean, and good looking for his age and you tried your best to give him the impression that you weren’t interested. 

“I’d prefer you not use a pick up line if you’re gonna stare at me like a lost puppy.” You turned your head to watch the bartender work on your order, earning a scoff from the man next to you.

“I can’t admire beauty in a public place?” He took a swig of his beer before leaning his elbows on the bar. You rolled your eyes before slightly scooting away from the man.

“They have museums for that.” You smiled at the bartender who returned with your drinks. “You’re old, you should know all about that.”

Javier’s jaw dropped slightly as he watched the woman walk away, quickly coming to his senses enough to follow her. He was already intrigued by how she rebuffed his advances and boldly commented on his age without skipping a beat. He couldn’t let her get away, even if he got another eyeroll and an annoyed huff when they made contact again.

“I thought I left you at the bar, grandpa.” 

“Well, you forgot to leave your number in my phone.” The woman turned to look at him before letting out a laugh, setting the drinks down on a nearby table. 

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you a break for making my Friday night even better with that one.” You leaned against the table and took a sip of your drink. “What’s your name old-timer?”

The man let out a sigh of frustration. ‘I’m not that old.’ He thought to himself before replying. “Javier.”

“It was very nice having you follow me around the bar Javier,” You paused before nodding toward the direction you came from, “but I have a date to return to.” 

“You could ditch your date and come with me.” Javier suggested, giving her one of his famous smiles. “I could show you a better time than he could.”

“She’s shown me a good time for the past few nights, so I’ll need a little more convincing than that.” You returned his smile as you picked up the two drinks and walked away, leaving the man stunned and dumbfounded as he watched you. He let out a sigh and made his way back to the bar, opting for another beer and another night with some random encounter.

The next morning you found yourself tangled up in bed with your date as a reminder of the previous night. After sharing a pot of coffee and goodbyes you escorted her out of your apartment with a kiss, not expecting to stand across the hall from Javier when she left. You watched as his date for the night walked down the same hallway, smirking at the man before giving him a thumbs up.

“I see you got your life together last night.” You teased him with a smile, leaning against the doorframe.

“Would’ve been easier if I knew you lived across the hall from me.” He joked back as you really got a good look at him. The low lights of the club didn’t do him any justice and this time you were more intrigued by the man, hoping it wasn’t obvious how flustered you were.

“I’ve got a pot of coffee and stuff for French toast if you don’t want shitty diner breakfast.” You offered, nodding to your apartment. “Think of it as an apology for all the old jokes.” He nodded and the two of you stepped back into your apartments to freshen up. You had gathered the ingredients when you heard a knock on the door.

“It’s open!”

Javier had walked in as you mixed the cinnamon combination, this time dressed in more than his boxers and some inside out t-shirt. You reminded him to make himself at home as you started cooking, with him making an immediate beeline to the coffee maker.

“So...” He started, leaning against the counter. “Was that your date from last night?” You hummed and reached for two plates in the nearby cabinet.

“Are you two... you know.” He made a gesture with his mug that caused you to raise an eyebrow, handing him a plate of food.

“You’re asking way too many personal questions for this early in the morning.” You paused to take a bite of food. “But if you must know I don’t think it’s going anywhere.”

“So does that mean I have a chance?” Javier teased, taking another sip from the mug. “I mean, if you’re into that. Men, I mean. Great coffee by the way.” You shook your head at his ramblings as you took your seat at the island.

“Oh, I’m into men.” You took another bite of your food. “They just haven’t been on my radar as of late.”

Javier raised an eyebrow at you. “What do you mean by that?”

“I like both.” You shrugged. “I like women and men.” 

Javier almost spit up his coffee.


	2. Chapter 2

Over the course of a month you managed to befriend the DEA agent from across the hall. It escalated from playful banter in the hallway and occasional run ins at the bar to you becoming his unofficial wingman on nights out. Admittedly, he preferred you over Steve when it came to situations like this.

_“She might be your type.” You gestured to the brunette at the bar with your beer bottle before taking a swig._

_“You think so?” He raised an eyebrow at you before eyeing the woman, letting out a whistle as you rolled your eyes._

_“I’m not gonna help you out if you keep being a pervert, Javi.” You set the bottle down on the table as you gave him a stern look. “I don’t know how I’ve survived as your friend for this long.”_

_“We’ve barely been friends a full month.”_

_“My point exactly.”_

Javier found himself at your apartment more often than his own, usually after work or post hookup. You didn’t mind the company as you’d been on your own for a few months now so it was refreshing to enjoy the presence of another human being for once. There was an unspoken routine the two of you had that consisted of splitting a six pack of beer and venting about whatever was going on in your lives.

“What happened with that girl from the bar?” You asked, leaning against the couch cushions. Javier’s face scrunched up as he recalled his night with the woman. He noticed that his nightly escapades weren’t as satisfying as they were since before he met you, but he wouldn’t admit that. He was too scared to admit it.

“Didn’t work out I guess.” He shrugged as he took a sip of his beer. “What about you and that one girl?”

“It’s going good.” You not only lied to Javier, but you lied to yourself. You were unsure of where things were going with the woman but the two of you avoided talking about relationship status like the plague.

There was a long pause between you and Javier.

“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” He broke the silence, earning a nod from you.

“If it’s coming from you I should avoid the question altogether, but go for it.” You teased with a smile.

“How’d you know? That you liked women and men, I mean.” You looked at Javier and shrugged.

“I think I’ve always known but I don’t know or remember the exact moment it hit me. I just knew that I could see myself with both.”

“Have you been with a woman before the girl at the bar?” You paused for a beat before shaking your head.

“No one before her. She’s the first.” You admitted. “I was scared at first cause I’d been with guys for so long and I didn’t know how people would react if I showed up dating a woman, but I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone once I moved down here.”

Javier nodded in understanding and took a sip of his beer.

“What about you? How come you don’t settle down?” You grabbed a beer of your own and took a sip.

He shrugged as he set his now empty bottle on the coffee table. “Don’t feel the need to since this isn’t permanent. Makes no sense to commit to someone with this line of work.”

“Not even if the right woman came along?” You suggested. He tensed up.

“I thought I had the right woman once. Fucked things up for myself and I don’t plan on doing it again.” You could hear the hurt in his voice and you frowned, causing him to raise an eyebrow at you. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Cause you’re a grinch when it comes to love.” You paused to take another sip. lYou’re really living up to your brand as an old man.” Javier gave you the side eye as he flipped you off.

“You’re not that much younger than me, you know that right?”

“That doesn’t make you any less old.”

The two of you spent the rest of the night talking, eventually passing out on the couch around three in the morning. Javier woke up to you curled into his side fast asleep and his heart was racing a million miles per minute.

He would be lying if he said he wasn’t the least bit attracted to you since that night at the bar, but he respected you enough to not cross a line or make you uncomfortable. It was the first time in what seemed like forever that he felt like this, knowing he was in deep when he tried not to smile at the red in your cheeks when you untangled yourself from him.

“I usually cuddle my pillows to help me sleep.” You explained, causing Javier to chuckle.

“I’ve been told I’m a great pillow.” He teased as you rolled your eyes at him.

“I’m sure you have.” You sat up to stretch before making your way to the kitchen. “You want coffee?”

Javier squinted at the oven clock before shaking his head. “I would if I could. I’ll get some at work.”

“I better get updates on Carrillo and that secretary later!”


	3. Chapter 3

You regretted answering your phone as soon as it rang.

It wasn’t the first time you had been broken up with, but it was the first time that it really stung. You didn’t see the point in crying over someone that was never really yours to begin with, yet you found yourself in tears as you knocked on the door to Javier’s apartment. You didn’t even realize you were crying until the older male’s smile turned into an expression of confusion, immediately pulling you into a hug as you sobbed into his shirt.

“She doesn’t want to see me anymore.” You mumbled, resting your head against his chest.

Javier let out a sigh. This wasn’t his strong suit. All he could do was hug her tighter as they stood in the doorway of the apartment.

“Do you wanna come in? I might have some ice cream but I definitely have beer.” You nodded at the suggestion and followed him into the apartment, immediately curling up on the couch as Javier rummaged through his fridge. He came back with two beers and a sigh.

“I wouldn’t eat anything in the freezer.” He held out an open bottle to you and you sat up to drink it, slumping against the couch cushions.

The minute Javier opened the door to your tear stained face he felt his heart drop. He couldn’t imagine anyone hurting you, regardless of how small the blow was. He had to swallow the own lump in his throat as he watched you. All he wanted to do was hold you until the tears stopped and kiss the pain away, but it wasn’t his place to and that’s what killed him.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asked quietly. You shook your head.

“I’d rather drink about it.” You took a long sip of beer in hopes that it would wash away the heartache, even if it was just temporary.

“That doesn’t always help, you know.” You gave Javier the side eye as he took a sip of his beer.

“That’s wild coming from you.” He shrugged and threw his hands up.

“Fair point.”

It was silent as the two of you nursed your beers. Javier tried to keep his gaze anywhere but on you because he knew that he’d get caught staring. You had stared down the label of the bottle so long that you could recite the ingredients if asked.

“She didn’t want anything serious.” You mumbled after a few minutes. “I thought things were going in that direction but she just doesn’t feel the same way.”

“Is that what she told you?” You nodded at Javier’s question.

“Didn’t even have the decency to tell me in person.” You took another sip of beer and sighed. “Over the fucking phone.”

Javier felt nothing but guilt. He was all too familiar with ending things over the phone if he hadn’t already ghosted them. It just stung him more knowing that you were on the receiving end of it, someone who didn’t even deserve it.

“I wish she would’ve just told me earlier so I wouldn’t have wasted my time.” You mumbled, slumping back into the couch cushions. Javier sighed and scooted closer to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

“Maybe she was scared and couldn’t find the words.” He suggested with a shrug. “People who do that usually are.”

He regretted saying it as soon as he noticed the tear roll down your cheek, setting both beers on the coffee table before pulling you into his arms.

“Hey, hey… don’t cry.” He cupped your face in one hand to wipe your tears away with his thumb. “You don’t deserve someone who’s scared to love you, okay? You’re worth so much more than that.”

You looked into Javier’s eyes as he spoke, trying not to give in and melt into his touch. Paranoia started to creep in as you worried this was one of his tricks to get you into bed while he had you in such an emotionally vulnerable state, but your heart and gut were telling you otherwise. It was obvious that you were fond for the agent and you wouldn’t lie to yourself and say he wasn’t attractive, but you two were friends, and as his friend you were aware of his reputation and lack of commitment, something you didn’t want to get tangled up in.

But Javier was looking at you in a way that made your heart race and melt into pudding all at once, and it took everything in you to not lean in and press your lips to his. It was getting to be too much and you felt as if you were going to vomit, quickly turning your head and scrambling away from him. You cleared your throat and stood up, not being able to look Javier in the eye as you dismissed yourself.

“I, uh, I can’t- I gotta go.” You ignored Javier’s calls of your name as you beelined out of his apartment and into yours, quickly closing and locking the door as you let out a sob and slid down to the floor.

Javier only sighed, running a hand down his face as he leaned against the couch cushions.

So much for not fucking up a good thing while you’ve got it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i've returned after fighting a sinus infection!! also there's 2 chapters left sadly :-( i had planned for it to be short from the start but these next 2 chapters will make up for things i swear

It had been a few days since the last time you saw each other and you were convinced that he never wanted to see you again after abruptly running out of his apartment. Avoidance had become the name of the game and you tried your best to be in the apartment either before Javier was home from work or after he’d come home from the night. Answering the phone was out of the question, not being able to tell if it would be Javier or your ex. You didn’t know which scenario would be worse.

Unknown to you, Javier was going through the same motions. He was convinced he made things awkward to the point where he lost his best friend, only being able to distract himself for so long before the guilt started to eat at him. That’s how he found himself outside of your apartment door with a quart of ice cream and a bottle of wine, on top of the hope that you’d be home tonight and he wouldn’t make things even more awkward for himself.

Relief washed over him when you opened the door.

* * *

“I brought a peace offering.” He gestured with the contents in his arms, an apologetic smile on his face as you looked at him. You didn’t know or understand why he still wanted to be your friend, but you couldn’t stop the smile that eventually made it’s way to your face.

“I guess you can come in.” You teased, stepping out of the way for him to step into your apartment. The smile on his face made your heart jump and you shook the feeling away as you made your way over to the couch. Javier had walked over and handed you a beer before plopping down next to you.

“She called again.” You spoke before taking a sip of beer. Javier winced. “She wants to meet up and talk things out.”

Javier spoke up after a short pause. “How do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know.” You shrugged and took another sip of beer. “If you asked me a week ago I would’ve jumped at the opportunity but now I don’t know if it’s what I want. If she’s what I want.”

A mix of hope and paranoia washed over Javier but he was scared of ruining the moment, instead taking a sip of his beer. He still buried his feelings for you in fear that speaking up would ruin things, and trying to drown things out with prostitutes would only leave him in a pool of guilt. In his mind it was easier to pretend the feelings weren’t there but they only grew the more the two of you hung out.

Those were the same feelings making things complicated for you. You didn’t know how or when you fell for Javier, you just knew that being around him brought you more joy than you felt with the girl at the bar. Telling him was out of the question for the exact same reason; you didn’t know how he would react and you weren’t willing to risk this friendship to find out.

However, you were the one ready to succumb and wave the flag of surrender.

“You probably don’t wanna hear this but I think you should talk to her.” Javier spoke up. You raised an eyebrow at him.

“Why?”

He sighed at your question and shrugged. “I think you’d be happier with her. You seemed happier with her from what I saw.”

“I don’t know Javi...”

“Would you have shown up at my apartment crying if you didn’t care about her even a little?”

He got you there. You sighed and took a sip of beer before setting it on the coffee table. “There’s someone else Javi. That’s why I don’t know if I should go for it. I don’t wanna waste her time if that’s the case.”

“Someone else?” It was his turn to raise an eyebrow at you before setting his beer on the table. It felt like he would never get a chance at this point.

“Yeah.” You mumbled quietly. “Why do you think I’ve been avoiding you, Javi?”

He paused for a minute as your sentence registered, blinking a few times before looking at you. “You like me?”

You nodded. Javier let out a sigh and ran a hand down his face. That was enough to make you expect the worst.

“I like you too. More than I want to admit, but I feel the same way.” You gave him a smile that quickly faltered when he didn’t return it. “I just don’t want to get in the way of what you want.”

“What do you mean?”

“When we first met you told me how you wanted to get out of your comfort zone and explore your sexuality. I’d only get in the way because I’m not in a position to give you what you want.” Javier admitted. Tears welled up in your eyes but you weren’t upset. He was right.

“I get it.” You sniffed, wiping your eyes. He gave your hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I’m not always guaranteed tomorrow with what I do and I can’t put you in that position. I care about you too much.” He cupped your face with his other hand, wiping your tears away with his thumb. “That’s why you should go talk to her. She could probably give you what I can’t and I don’t want you to miss that opportunity waiting for me.”

You nodded and looked up at him. “Yeah. You’re right.”

“Right now I wish I wasn’t, but I learned if you truly love and care for someone, you’ll want the best for them. Even if I’m not the best option for you right now, I care about you too much as a person and a friend for you to not be happy.”

“I care about you too. It sucks like hell but I get where you’re coming from.” You sat up and wiped your eyes, giving Javier a small smile. “I’ll call her tomorrow.”

“Good.” Javier ruffled your hair. “You know, we still have that ice cream.”


	5. Chapter 5

Javier was being sent back to the United States for what he could only assume was his association with Los Pepes. He wasn't as concerned with losing his job than he was having to break the news to you, which only made him avoid the topics in the weeks leading up to his last day in Colombia. It only reminded him of his promise to never get close to anyone after Lorraine. He couldn't find the right words to tell you that didn't result in you resenting him for the rest of your life, and that's what killed him more than anything.

Unfortunately for him, you'd known him long enough to tell when something was off. Javier was still nursing his first beer and staring absentmindedly at the TV screen, barely making a dent in the six pack he brought over.

“Hello? Earth to Javi?” You waved your hand in front of his face as he slightly jumped, blinking a bit before muttering an apology and taking a sip of his beer. You shook your head at him before taking a sip of your own beer. “You've been acting really weird lately.”

Javier shrugged. “Just work I guess. Been stressful with trying to catch Escobar.”

“Okay, so what's the real reason?” You placed your beer on the coffee table before reajusting yourself to face Javier. “I may not be DEA or FBI but I can tell when something's bothering you. You haven't been acting like yourself.”

A long pause and a sigh before Javier placed his bottle next to yours. “They're sending me home. Back to the United States.”

“Oh.” Another pause, this time on your end. “Do you know why?”

“I had to do some fucked up shit to make sure they got Escobar. Higher ups found out.”

You swallowed back tears. “When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow.”

The sadness you felt slowly morphed into anger. You scoffed before standing up, staring daggers at Javier before storming off to the kitchen. He ran a hand over his face and let out a sigh before following you, leaning against the doorframe with his hands in his pockets.

“What's wrong?” He asked.

You dropped the towel in your hands and ran a hand through your hair before looking Javier dead in the eyes, letting out a long sigh. “You had all the time in the world to say you were leaving and you wait until the last fucking minute to tell me? What the fuck Javier.”

“I didn't know how to bring it up!”

“You had no problem bringing it up just now when we could've had this conversation when you found out.” You threw your hands up in frustration before resting them on your hips. “Look Javi, I don't care what you did because it's your job, I get it, but not having the decency to tell me as your fucking friend?”

“I'm sorry, okay? I'm fucking sorry I didn't tell you I was leaving.” Javier threw his hands up in frustration, heading to the living room to grab his jacket before heading to the door of your apartment, leaving you to stare at the tiles of your counter. He stopped to look at you before reaching for the doorknob, tensing up at the sight of you wiping silent tears away. Sighing to himself, he dropped his jacket before walking over to you, cupping your face with his hand before pressing his lips to yours.

Kissing back was almost an instinct as your arms snaked around his neck, pulling him as close as possible as his own arms found your waist. The kiss was feverish, almost desperate and needy as you were gently backed into the fridge. Lips trailed down your neck as you tangled your fingers in Javier's hair, his hands riding up your shirt and over the lace of your bralette. His hands slid to the back of your thighs to hoist you up and carry you expertly to the next room over, assuming it was your bedroom as he plopped you down on the mattress.

Javier's lips found yours again as he climbed on top of you and slid his hands up your shirt, taking it off in the process. He trailed kisses from your lips, down your jaw and neck to stop right between your breasts, looking up at you with puppy eyes. You nodded and Javier took that as a sign to keep going as you pulled your bralette off to join your shirt, his mouth watering as he took one of your nipples into his mouth. You took your bottom lip between your teeth and threw your head back at the sensation, gripping tighter onto the sheets as he moved to the second nipple and slid his hand between your thighs so painfully slow. A whimper escaped your lips as his knuckle brushed against your clit, the tip of his middle finger ghosting over your core.

“You don't know how long I've been waiting to do this.” Javier breathed against your skin as his middle fingers started a circular rhythm against you, causing you to jolt and lay back against the pillows. He watched you with his bedroom eyes as he settled between your legs, pulling your shorts and panties down before throwing them off to the side, not breaking his gaze as his tongue joined his fingers, earning a whimper from you and a groan to escape his own lips. Your fingers tugged at his hair as you moaned and squirmed around from the pleasure, causing Javier to hold your hips down with his forearm. Right as he was about to send you over the edge you whimpered at the loss of his fingers and mouth, letting out a gasp as he trailed kisses right back up to your lips, leaving you in a dazed state as he settled his lower half between your legs.

You gasped against Javier's lips as he slid into you, sitting up to undo his shirt and toss it with the rest of your scattered clothes before rocking his hips into yours, leaning down to kiss and gently bite your jaw. The room was soon filled with your combined moans and the creaking of your bedframe as he fucked into you, thumb circling your clit as Javier brought you to orgasm, your walls clenching against his length. His release wasn't too far after yours before he found himself nuzzling into the crook of your neck, the both of you spent and drifting off to sleep.

There was emptiness in the pit of your stomach when you woke up the next morning. You knew Javier didn't stay the night because he didn't do goodbyes, but part of you hoped he'd be still sleeping next to you or freshening up in the bathroom. Instead you found yourself in an empty bedroom in an empty apartment, the lighter on your nightstand being the only reminder of your last memory and encounter with Javier Peña.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it too late to remind you guys this is the second to last chapter


	6. Chapter 6

Javier expected the worst when he was sent back to the United States, but he definitely wasn't expecting to keep his job. He was asked to provide intel against the Cali Cartel which scared and relieved him simultaneously. He wasn't scared about going back into the field because he'd been in the DEA long enough that he wasn't phased by anything, and he could deal with the repurcussions of whatever got the job at the end of the day.

He was scared of the possibility of running into you considering the last conversation, or lack thereof, that the two of you had.

It had been almost two years to the day the last time you and Javier saw each other. You wanted to pretend that waking up in an empty bed didn't feel like a punch to the gut, but as much as you tried to move on you couldn't shake the hurt and heartbreak that you felt. You found yourself caught up in cursing Javier Peña's existence from your memory and regretting meeting him in that bar to crying yourself to sleep because of how much love you still held for him.

It wasn't long after the last night you spent with Javier that you started feeling sick. You played it off as eating bad food and ending up with food poisoning but you were quickly concerned when you ended up bedridden for almost a week. From a place of desperation you phoned your ex who didn't hesitate to drive you to the emergency room.

'Pregnant' was not what you expected to hear.

You'd been on Javier's mind constantly from the moment he landed in Colombia. He threw himself into his work as an attempt to distract himself but he couldn't stoop low enough to bring himself to hook up with someone else. He was in love with you and it scared him, which is why he left as soon as you fell asleep that night. He didn't want to drag you into any off his work mess, nor did he want to deal with the possibility of never seeing you again.

Funny how the universe works out sometimes.

As much as you hoped for Javier to come back, you never expected that to happen. You knew Javier's reputation and for a while he had you fooled thinking that you wouldn't fall for his tricks, but you were here with his son and he was god knows where in the world. You let yourself be pissed at him for a long time but the love overpowered the anger as soon as you gave birth. Aiden became your full responsibility and you didn't want your son to grow up with a negative view of his dad, even if it wasn't guaranteed you'd see him again.

Javier had a feeling he wouldn't run into you at the bar. He hoped for it, but doubted it completely. He sat at the bar drowning his sorrows in a few beers and a couple shots and not leaving without a grilling from CIA Bill. He trudged up the stairs of the apartment complex with a sigh, digging in his pockets for his keys. He quickly glanced across the hall and did a double take, his face losing all color as if he'd seen a ghost. You were standing right in front of him and digging through your purse for your keys, balancing Aiden on your hip as you unlocked the door and stepped into your apartment.

You finally noticed Javier when you turned around to close the door. He still had the dumbstruck look on his face as his brain registered that you were standing in front of him.

“Who's that Mommy?” The toddler stirred as he blinked at Javier, bringing you back to reality. You swallowed before mustering a small smile, looking at your son.

“Just an old friend.” You set him down as you spoke, kneeling down to his level. “How about you go change into your jammies? Mommy's gonna start dinner soon.”

Aiden nodded and ran off to his room as you turned to face Javier. He blinked and swallowed before clearing his throat. “Is he...”

“Yeah. His name is Aiden.” You nodded. A pause.

“Can I come in?” He asked. You stepped to the side and held the door open as he walked in, hands in his pockets as he let out a breath. You locked the door as you stepped around him and into the kitchen, Javier nervously lingering in the doorframe of the kitchen.

“I'm guessing you didn't lose your job since you're back in Colombia.” You spoke, not making eye contact with Javier as you rummaged through the fridge for dinner ingredients.

“Yeah.” Javier sighed. “I wasn't in trouble. Got another cartel to take down.”

He paused for a minute to stop and admire your face of concentration, a mix of guilt and the love he still had for you making his stomach uneasy. Maybe if he wasn't so impulsively avoidant, it wouldn't have been so awkward to be here right now.

“I see you've been busy.” _Why the hell would you say that Javier?_

“I guess so.” You sighed, setting things on the counter near the stove. Aiden ran out into the living room before speeding past Javier to cling to your leg. “I found out I was pregnant two months after you left.”

A pause.

“I'm sorry for leaving and not saying anything. I know I should've bu-”

“It's fine Javier. I get it.” You stopped him mid-sentence. There were too many emotions flowing through your body that you didn't have time to sort through them all. You couldn't handle that conversation just yet. “You're not great at goodbyes, no one is.”

“It's not fine. If I would've just stayed we could've figured things out and-”

“Javier, not now.” You sighed, running a hand through your hair as you looked at him. “It's fine, don't worry. I get why you did it.”

He paused to raise an eyebrow at you. “You do?”

“Yes. Well, no.” You crossed your arms and leaned against the counters. “I don't get why you did it and it pissed me the hell off for a while. It pissed me off to the point where I just forgave you. I did it for our son. He doesn't need to grow up hating someone he doesn't know and I couldn't live with myself as a mother if I was still mad at you.”

Javier was taken aback. Any other girl he would've done that to would've had him on the other side of the front door by now. You didn't understand how either considering you felt like you were gonna throw up the minute you saw him. Before either of you could say anything Aiden had ran into the kitchen, immediately clinging to your leg.

“Mommy I need help with toothpaste!” The toddler blinked up at you with a frown and you smiled down at him. “I squeeze too much.”

“I can start dinner if you wanna help him out.” Javier piped in. “If you don't mind, of course.”

You looked up at Javier and almost instinctively you nodded, leaning down to pick up Aiden and rest him on your hip. “That'd help me out a lot. He's a handful at bedtime.”

Javier nodded as you carried Aiden to the bathroom to finish helping him get ready for bed. Based on the ingredients you left out Javier assumed you were planning spaghetti, the one dish he knew how to cook decently. Once Aiden was taken care of and situated with his toys you ventured back into the kitchen.

“Thank you again.” You told Javier as you grabbed yourself a glass of water. “There's an extra seat at the table if you wanna stay.”

“I don't want to make it weird.” He started.

“It's only weird if you make it weird.” You teased, which earned you a chuckle. “I still care about you as a person Javi. You broke my heart when you left but that doesn't mean I have to be a bitch to you because of it. Plus, you were the one who offered to cook.”

“That's true.” He nodded. “I'm sorry for leaving. Like you said, I'm shit at goodbyes but it scared me how much I loved you and still do. I wanna show up and be there for you and Aiden if you'll let me. I won't fuck it up this time.”

“Absolutely.” You smiled at him. “We can work on our relationship in time but I don't want to deny you the chance to be a dad to your son. I should've told you but I was scared too, then Aiden became such a priority that I wasn't focused on anything else.”

“You're still standing so I'd say you're doing a good job so far.” Javier said, pulling you into a hug. You sighed into his chest as the familiarity washed over you, bringing a smile to your face. The embrace was short lived as Aiden had run out of his room again with a rumbling stomach. The timing was perfect as Javier had finished up and served dinner.

“Mommy is he your boyfriend?” Aiden asked, spaghetti sauce and noodles all over his face.

You shook your head as you cleaned him up with a napkin before smiling at Javier. “Something like that.”


End file.
